


The Price of Survival

by SirenAlpha



Series: Remake: Zack Lives AU [1]
Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24451693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirenAlpha/pseuds/SirenAlpha
Summary: Zack survives Shinra's attempt to kill him on the back of Cloud's strength and the kindness of strangers willing to pull the bullets from his chest. After five years of surviving and the gift of Shinra assuming he's dead, Zack and Cloud have to decide how they want to start living.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Series: Remake: Zack Lives AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756627
Comments: 26
Kudos: 342





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is how I imagine Zack survives the end of Crisis Core to the original FF7 or at least the FF7 timeline that doesn't already show Zack surviving. 
> 
> I keep the medical stuff relatively vague but it should be accurate to recovering from multiple gunshot wounds if you assume SOLDIERs wear the same sweaters John Wick does. 
> 
> For Cloud recovering from mako poisoning, I just made stuff up for how a dude who was comatose for over a year magically has not lost any muscle mass for the start of FF7.

Everything is too far away. Cloud can see the edge of Midgar, blurry and off in the distance. His head feels far away, like the top of it is sitting several feet above where it should be. His feet are definitely much too far away. Moving them feels like trying to direct them using thread when they are too small to see yet all he can do is set one foot in front of the other. Even Zack feels far away, and Cloud had somehow managed to get his arm over his shoulders and to cling to his wrist with numb fingers. The bulk of Zack’s weight over his shoulders and Zack’s warm, sticky, blood dripping onto his side are barely close enough to even feel. Why. Is. Everything. So. Fucking. Far. Away!?

If it was closer maybe he could actually do something because the only thing that feels close is the black and consuming _desperation_ sitting in the center of his chest. That Zack needs to live, but help is also so far off in the distance, and the only thing Cloud has is his feet on strings and the desperation that makes it so hard to breathe. So he keeps setting one foot in front of the other to try and get one damn thing to be closer.

Cloud has no idea how long it takes besides too damn long. His sense of time has abandoned him, and he can’t bear to look away from his goal to check the position of the sun. The only thing he can do is watch as he forces himself closer inch by inch. It never seems to get any clearer even as it got larger.

As soon as he saw movement, he had to find his voice from somewhere deep down in his throat and far away from his mouth. “Help!” he screams with all the force he can muster.

It sounds quiet and too far away. Cloud screams again though he can’t be sure he actually makes a word out of it. He can’t even tell what made the movement and if it had gone for help. He just keeps walking forward.

Then there’s more movement in front of him, and he can’t see whether it’s friend or foe that approaches him, his sight too blurry. Does it matter when he can do nothing more for Zack?

“We got him, we got him,” he can finally make out as their voices are just as far away as his own. He can’t recognize their voices, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t Shinra.

He can’t stop them regardless when they pull Zack from his shoulders. He can’t see properly, can barely make his arm move in Zack’s direction, but he thinks they’re putting him onto a stretcher. Whoever is holding Zack and the stretcher begin to move, but one stays behind to stop him from following.

“No,” he tells them, trying to get to Zack.

“Relax, we’re going to take you to your friend. We’re going to help you both,” they say, and Cloud thinks it’s a woman though it’s hard to tell with how far away she sounds. “I just need to check your injuries. Are you hurt anywhere?”

“No,” he says, trying to walk past her again because if he is hurt anywhere it’s nowhere near as bad Zack has been hurt, but she holds him still so easily.

“You definitely have mako poisoning,” she says, “I’m surprised you were able to get your friend here in your state.”

Cloud can’t do anything as she checks him over, mostly his face and where Zack had bled onto him. She doesn’t hurt him when she looks, and he has the slimmest hope now that the people he’s brought Zack to won’t hurt him either.

“Okay, if you follow me, I can take you to your friend,” she says.

Cloud nods because it’s easier than finding wherever his voice has disappeared to. She takes him by the arm and guides him, and it’s so much easier to walk without Zack on his shoulders. He hopes that means that now he can help Zack, that he’s done the right thing.

“I’m not sure how much you can see, but we’re entering the Sector 4 hospital,” she says, and Cloud can hear a door move, can make out its movement. It’s no easier to see once he enters than it had been outside. “We’re not an official hospital, but we do what we can to treat people in the slums. We’ll do what we can for your friend, and you can wait here for him. We can help you with your mako poisoning if you agree to it as well. Would you like that?”

Cloud doesn’t have to think on it. He’s already delivered Zack into their hands. He’ll do no different for himself. He nods.

“Can I have your name?”

He struggles for some time, his voice harder to find than before.

“Okay, it’s fine if it’s hard right now. I can ask again later. I’m Tamara. I work here as a nurse,” she says and begins guiding him again. “How about we see where you are in your recovery, and we go from there, okay?”

He nods.

He gets to sit through the exam at least. He doesn’t feel tired, doesn’t feel energetic either, but standing and moving is so hard with everything so far away. Tamara shines a light into his eyes. She puts a thermometer in his mouth, but she has to hold it because he can’t. She asks him to move various parts of his body and respond to other tests. He doesn’t know what she gets out of it, but he can tell that everything is far away and that he is very slow to respond. Half of whatever capacity he does have is still spent on worrying over Zack.

“You’re in the second phase of recovery from mako poisoning,” she announces eventually, and Cloud thinks she’s raised her voice or something because she’s much easier to hear now even if she still sounds far away. “How familiar are you with mako poisoning?”

He shakes his head because he doesn’t know anything beyond how mako’s used for SOLDIER enhancements.

“Well, after experiencing mako poisoning, an individual will enter a catatonic state, and there’s a rather low chance of recovery after being poisoned for more than a few hours.”

Cloud knows he’s been in mako for much more than just a few hours.

“The first phase of recovery is when the individual becomes aware of external stimuli, but cannot respond to it. I’m sure you were able to see, hear, and smell things before you were able to begin moving your body. You’re in the second phase as you can respond to external stimuli typically with only gross motor function. You’re rather unusual as you were able to speak, even if only a little bit, which usually only happens in the third stage as individuals regain fine motor skills. Most people recovering from mako poisoning also can’t make any facial expressions until the third stage, and I haven’t seen you make any yet so I suspect that will be the case for you as well. Did you get all of that?”

He nods.

“Good. You’re pretty early phase two from what I can tell. You still seem to be in the process of getting in tune with all your senses again. You didn’t do particularly well on the hearing test so I wanted to be sure you could hear me properly. Up to hear your treatment plan?”

He nods again, anything to hear how to make things closer again.

“Before recovery, you can essentially rely on the excess mako in your system to live as your cells can use that energy for survival. Now that you’re in recovery, you won’t be able to do that anymore, but your body is no longer used to normal biological processes. We’re going to have you start on drinking water, then work up to broths and so on. It’ll probably be unpleasant at first to go the bathroom, but we have male volunteers to be able to help you with that if that’s more comfortable for you and you need the help. We’ll also work on your gross motor function since you’re already up and walking. Does that sound alright?”

He nods again. He hopes he has enough coordination to go to the bathroom on his own. Zack has been dragging him around long enough.

“Would you like to try the water or do you want to wait for later?” she asks then adds. “Nod once for now and twice for later if that’s easier.”

Cloud slowly nods twice. He doesn’t feel thirsty, and he just wants to know what’s happened to Zack. It takes time to work up his voice again. “Zack,” is all he can get out, and he can barely hear himself say it.

“Zack?” she asks. “Is that your friend’s name that you brought in?”

He nods, relieved that she was able to understand him.

“We brought him to surgery for his wounds. Do you want to wait for him?”

He nods as quickly as he can, and it’s still so slow.

“Okay, let’s go to the waiting room then,” she says, and she wraps his arm through hers to help him stand and walk out of the room and through the building to a different seat. “I have other patients I need to see, but I’ll be back to check on you in a little bit, okay?”

He nods, and her leaving him alone makes him trust her more. He sits there, and he has no idea how long for. He can hear other voices and movement around him as if they’re miles away from him, can make out their blurry shapes, but if he doesn’t focus he can’t make out what they say and it’s easier to not focus. Tamara comes by to check on him a few more times.

Then someone places a hand on his shoulder, and he startles, but so slowly.

“Your friend, Zack, is out of surgery,” the familiar woman’s voice says. “His doctor is here to give you an update if you’re ready.”

He nods, doing his best to sit up straight.

“Zack is alive,” a different woman says, her voice is deeper and more tired. “I can’t give you all his medical details without his permission, but he made it through surgery. He has a long recovery ahead of him, we’re not exactly set up for SOLDIERs down here, but all we need to worry about for the moment is infection. We’ll be moving him into the recovery ward.”

“We can set you up in the bed next to his for your recovery, is that alright?” Tamara asks him.

Cloud nods again.

“Okay, are you feeling alright?”

He nods again even though he doesn’t know why she’s asking.

“You were crying. I just wanted to be sure. I really think you should try drinking some water now. We can get you some when we put you next to Zack, okay?”

He nods again.

* * *

Zack wakes to a wooden ceiling. For a second, he wonders if he’s died and somehow transported himself to Aerith’s church. Then he realizes he’s in a lot of pain for being dead. He also can’t smell any flowers. Instead he smells antiseptic and other medicines like it’s a hospital, but he’s never been in a hospital with a wooden ceiling before. He can barely turn his head, but it’s enough for him to get a glimpse at what’s beside him which are very makeshift dividing curtains for privacy. The curtains look like they’re made from whatever fabric could be found, though the rods they’re hanging from at least look like they’re secure. He can hear voices beyond them as well as movement, but for the most part people seem to be keeping their voices low. He needs to get up and investigate the area, find Cloud, but he doesn’t even have the strength to move.

The curtain moves, and Zack panics trying to figure out a way to defend himself. Instead of Hojo or any other Shinra scientist coming to stand over him, a woman comes around to his bedside and startles a little. “Oh, you’re awake. We didn’t expect you to regain consciousness for a while longer.”

“Where’s Cloud?” he grinds out. He sounds as terrible as he feels.

“Is that your friend’s name? The one with the mako poisoning?” she asks, and Zack’s torn between relief and fear. Relief that Cloud is close and fear that these people could hurt him, too. “We got your name out of him, but then he clammed up again. He’s doing fine, but we need to discuss you. It’s Zack, right?”

“Yeah,” he answers cautiously. He’s pretty sure that Shinra had left him for dead, and they wouldn’t go through the expense of dressing this place up just to trick him. Hell, they’ve probably figured out by now if they just take Cloud, he’ll do whatever they want.

“You are a lucky man. If your friend hadn’t gotten you here when you did you probably would have bled out. As it was, you were pretty close. You had multiple gunshot wounds to the chest which fractured some of your ribs, and we removed all the bullets and close the wounds. We think your uniform reduced penetration because none of your internal organs were punctured, but none of us are experts in textile armor or SOLDIER enhancements. We’ve only treated deserters a couple times before, and we had to do some quick research while we were treating you. Given what we found, we opted to not give you blood transfusions given the likelihood of complications. We gave you fluids, but we’ll have to wait and see about any brain or kidney damage due to blood loss. We don’t have fancy tech to check that like up on the plate.

“The other immediate concern is infection. Your wounds are healing faster than normal, but they’re not completely closed yet. We’ve been doing our best to keep them clean and change the bandages. The more long term concern is going to be replacing your lost blood. I don’t think even SOLDIER enhancements can make something from nothing. As we didn’t give you any transfusions, you’re going to need a lot of iron to make more replacement blood which will be difficult down here in the slums. We’re not exactly swimming in iron rich foods, and we only have so many supplements we can give you.”

“How much does this all cost?” he asks, interrupting her flow.

“Nothing,” she answers. “We run on donations of all sorts. We appreciate patients who give back once they’re back on their feet.”

Zack stares at her because he hadn’t realized places like this existed in the slums. “You gonna report us to Shinra?”

“We don’t report anything to Shinra. You did hear me say we’ve treated deserters before, right?” she asks. “We operate by the medical community’s ethical standards, not Shinra’s policies.”

“Thank you,” he says because he’d take just about anyone else’s ethics over Shinra’s at this point. “Can I see Cloud?”

“I’m sure he’ll be by soon. He’s stolen one of our chairs to sit next to you,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Do you have any questions about your treatment?”

“No,” he answers because he’s never been great at medical stuff, usually relying on restore materia or his enhancements, and he just wants to see Cloud. 

“Alright, well, one of the nurses should be by soon to check your bandages,” she says and then leaves his little curtained area. Then he hears her say, “Oh, he’s awake and asking for you.”

He can hear the curtain move and footsteps and then Cloud’s standing beside him. He seems as blank faced as he’s ever been since leaving Nibelheim, but his eyes and bright and alive and damn near the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“You’re awake, and you’re walking,” Zack tells him in amazement, so much worry and guilt falling away from his shoulders.

Then Cloud begins to cry without any sound or expression.

Zack freaks out because he’s never seen Cloud cry before except when in extreme pain. “It’s okay. I’m gonna be fine, just a little banged up right now.”

Cloud shakes his head.

“No?” Zack asks. “What’s that mean?”

Cloud then leans over, and Zack goes cross-eyed trying to watch as he presses their foreheads together. Zack blinks a few times despite not really being able to see anything with Cloud’s head in the way. Cloud’s never really been one for touching so Zack’s a little surprised he’d go for something intimate like this. He hears Cloud take a deep breath in and let it out then he gets it. Cloud’s relieved, not sad. So he closes his eyes and does the same thing. Somehow, they’re both alive and recovering. Zack just has to sit with that feeling for a moment as the relief is too big to leave room for anything else. It hurts to move his arm, and it feels so stiff, but he still manages to reach up and touch Cloud’s head to try and comfort him.

Cloud pulls back eventually, Zack lets his hand drop back down, and he just stares down at him.

“This is what I get for staring at you when you were in a mako coma, huh?” Zack jokes. He doesn’t get a response, but just seeing that Cloud can move his eyes rather than staring blankly ahead is an improvement.

Cloud then sits down at a chair beside his bed. He reaches out slowly for Zack and lands his hand on Zack’s arm first. He notices then that Cloud had removed his gloves at some point so it’s his bare skin touching his arm. He moves his hand down to Zack’s hand then pats it a few times.

“Something wrong with your hand?” Zack asks, wrapping his fingers around Cloud’s hand.

Cloud nods. Zack levers his hand up carefully to avoid causing himself more pain while getting it up enough so he can look at Cloud’s hand.

“Doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with it,” he says. He can’t see any wounds on them or anything else that might indicate that there’s something wrong with them. Then he realizes that Cloud’s fingers are completely slack and that he’s even got a hold of Cloud’s thumb. Cloud hadn’t grabbed his hand at all. “Can you not use your fingers yet?”

Cloud shakes his head.

“Oh,” he says, slightly worried. “You’ll get them back though, right?”

Cloud nods.

“Good,” he says, letting his hand drop now that he doesn’t have to inspect Cloud’s. “I just woke up, and I’m already tired. How sad is that?”

Cloud shakes his head then pats Zack’s pillow with his free hand.

“You tellin’ me to get to sleep?”

Cloud nods.

Zack smiles because he’s pretty sure laughing would only put him in more pain. “Okay, okay, I’ll follow doctor’s orders.”

He sighs and closes his eyes, feeling the exhaustion creep back in. He’s learned to sleep where and when he can to rest, but he hasn’t felt safe doing so in a long time. This hospital couldn’t keep Shinra out if they really wanted to get in, but it’s by far the safest place he’s been in for a long time. He can’t stop running his thumb over Cloud’s hand to assure himself that he’s still there, that it’s all real, and hopes that Cloud doesn’t mind it. Then he remembers that if Cloud doesn’t like it, he can pull his hand away now. Yet Cloud leaves his hand where it is, and Zack tells himself not to read into it.

Some time passes, Zack isn’t sure if he slept at all or not, but he hears the curtain move and a different woman’s voice say, “Hey, I brought you some water.”

Zack opens his eyes, wondering who she is and why she’s pitched her voice up and enunciating extra clearly. He realizes then that she’s talking to Cloud, setting a glass of water with a straw down beside him on the tiny, rickety side table.

“You’re awake,” she says with some surprise as she notices Zack watching her. “Has your doctor been by to see you?”

“Tall lady with dark brown hair in a bun?” he asks, getting a nod from the woman. “Yeah, she told me all about my injuries.”

“Yes, that’s Dr. Amrynd. She did your surgery. Do you mind telling me what your friend’s name is so I don’t have to keep calling him Blondie?”

Zack glances over to Cloud who gives him a nod. “His name’s Cloud. Can I ask why you’re talking like that?”

“It’s for Cloud,” she says then turns to Cloud to ask, “Is it alright if I explain some of the details to him?”

Cloud nods again.

“I’m guessing you know that Cloud has had mako poisoning, though he’s now in the second phase of recovery. He’s aware of what’s around him, and has his gross motor functions back, but he’s not very in tune yet.”

“What’s that mean?”

“He can hear and see things, but not very well. We’re not sure physiologically why hearing takes time to recover, but with sight it’s because they can’t focus their eyes correctly. He should get his sight and hearing back to normal in the third recovery phase along with his fine motor function.”

“Oh,” Zack says, figuring it’s a miracle Cloud’s been able to understand him thus far because his voice isn’t very strong and he hasn’t been enunciating very well either. “Thanks for the explanation.”

“It’s good you’re awake,” she says. “He’s been really worried, sitting by you the whole time.”

“How long have I been out?” he asks because he hadn’t thought to ask the doctor earlier.

“About two and a half days including when you were brought in. It could have been much worse,” she says.

It’s really not all that long in the grand scheme of how much time he’s lost, but he still gives Cloud’s hand a squeeze for sticking by him the whole time.

“Another nurse will probably be by in a couple hours to check on your wounds,” she says then points to Cloud’s water. “Make sure you’ve drunk all of it by then.”

Cloud gives her a nod, and then she leaves.

“Thanks,” Zack says eventually. “For getting us the rest of the way here.”

Zack gives Cloud’s hand a squeeze. Cloud pats his wrist with his free hand.

* * *

“Do you still not sleep yet?” Zack asks sometime after night had fallen. He’d fallen in and out of sleep over the course of the day. Cloud could only tell by how much he talked as he couldn’t see well enough to tell by sight. He was speaking more quietly than he had earlier, making him a little harder to understand.

Cloud shakes his head. He felt no more or less tired than he had when he had come in. He had tried sleeping the first night to no effect. It was easier to sit by Zack’s side.

“You up for a heavy conversation then while we got some kind of privacy?” he asks.

Cloud doesn’t want to talk about anything. He’d rather listen to Zack ramble about nonsense. He hasn’t gotten tired yet, but some things are still harder to do than others. He nods.

“How much do you remember?” Zack asks, and Cloud recognizes that tone of voice even if it’s quieter than normal. It’s the tone Zack uses when he knows he has to do something he doesn’t want to do. “Going to Nibelheim?”

He nods.

“Sephiroth destroying Nibelheim?”

He takes his time nodding. He doesn’t want to think about what happens after because that had been bad enough, watching his mother burn and Tifa and Zack bleed out. He’d thought that was the worst thing that could happen to him. He can still smell the blood and ash if he touches the memories for too long.

“Getting captured by Hojo?”

He nods even though he doesn’t remember the moment it actually happened as he had been unconscious. He does remember when the reality of where he was had sunk in. It’s a lot less clear after that.

“Cloud,” Zack says then trails off before trying again. “It’s been almost five years since then.”

Cloud turns to look at his face before he remembers he can’t see well enough to figure out what kind of expression he’s wearing. He shakes his head because it can’t have been that long. It hasn’t felt like that long. He knows it had to have been a few months because he’s healed from his injuries, from Sephiroth and later Hojo. Maybe a year at most. It can’t have been _five_ of them.

“I’m sorry, Cloud, I’m sorry,” Zack says, and he’s squeezing his hand again. “But it’s true. You’ll be able to see it for yourself when you get your sight back. I’m sorry.”

Cloud just keeps shaking his head. It’s too long. He can’t prove it one way or the other because he really can’t see for himself, he can’t do anything. It just can’t have been five years. What happened to all that time?

“I should have gotten you out sooner. Maybe then you wouldn’t have been in a coma for so long. I’m so sorry, Cloud.”

Cloud shakes his head because he knows it’s not Zack’s fault this happened. He didn’t make Sephiroth go on a rampage or have Hojo capture and experiment on them. He just got them out when he could.

“I didn’t want to keep it from you and have it be a surprise when you start seeing again,” Zack says, and his voice sounds even farther away than before. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”

Cloud just leans over to rest his forehead against Zack’s arm because he doesn’t know what else to do. Staring at Zack for two days hadn’t brought his sight back so doing it for longer won’t help him. He just doesn’t want to think at all, but the only thing he has are his own thoughts when he can’t see or hear or even feel things properly. He’s stuck in a useless body, and what he has to think about is how he’s somehow missed years passing by him. He hadn’t worried too much about the passing time while imprisoned and what it meant for his life, too focused on survival, but now he was out and alive and recovering. If it’s been five years, he was over twenty years old, and had missed the entirety of the end of his teenage years. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with that. He doesn’t feel like a proper adult.

Zack talks to him when he wakes up again about other things, like things can be normal after telling him Cloud’s missed all those years. Cloud wonders how long he’s known, how long it took him to adjust to that information. He’s not sure he’d want to ask even if he could though. His vision continues to improve whether or not he’s ready to see the changes.

Cloud gets his first look at the differences after puking up his first bowl of broth same as he had his first glass of water. Tamara trusts him to know his own stomach and get to the bathroom by himself and had left him a bowl of broth to eat at his own pace to make it to the bathroom at the end of the ward he and Zack had been placed in. Conveniently, the ward was really just a large room curtained off into sections for privacy so Cloud didn’t have far to go. He vomits into the toilet then realizes that he hadn’t had to squint or use his hands to work out where to stick his head. He flushes the toilet and waits to get his breath back before he can face the mirror.

The face that stares back at him is his, but it isn’t. His cheeks are thinner, revealing that he did have cheekbones after all, and his jawline sharper, and it can’t be from weight loss because the mako had gone as far as preserving his muscle mass without eating in however long its been since he last ate properly. Weight loss also couldn’t explain his nose looking longer and more down turned at the tip and his eyebrows thicker. It definitely didn’t explain his hair.

It stuck up just as gravity defying as it had ever been, but the cut was completely different. He’d had it buzzed when he first joined Shinra as per regulations, but everyone grew their hair out after that. Cloud had done the same as he’d immediately missed his bangs. He’d just kept it shorter in the back to help with the helmet. Now it was all one length again, and he didn’t know who had even cut it.

Zack was telling the truth, and he still doesn’t know what to do about it, how to handle all that lost time.

For the moment, he washes his face and mouth in the bathroom’s sink. Then, he goes to check if Zack has changed as much as he has.

“Gotta say, it’s a little weird waking up to you staring at my face,” Zack says somewhat drowsily, having heard the curtains and noticing Cloud’s attention on him immediately.

Cloud puts his hand beneath his eye to try and explain.

Zack squints at him then asks, “Oh, you get your eyes back?”

Cloud nods.

Zack manages to sit up higher in his bed with only a little bit of groaning. “How do I look?”

Like an adult Cloud wants to say. His face looks broader, much more square than Cloud had been remembering it. His jawline had gotten even more defined than Cloud’s, and he had more of a chin. His scar definitely looked older, having faded from pink to white. He’d grown into his large nose though even it looked more defined than before they’d gone to Nibelheim. He’d also had his hair cut all to one length then grown out the same as Cloud’s.

He somehow hadn’t accounted for them growing up even while they were imprisoned.

“Well, come on then,” Zack says, reaching out for Cloud’s arm and pulling him closer to his bed. “What’s the verdict?”

Cloud just nods.

“I take it that means I’m still handsome,” he says with a grin.

And he was, even with a really shitty, grown out haircut.

* * *

Zack hates taking his new iron supplements. It’s not that they taste bad, they’re pills so they don’t taste like anything, but it reminds him of all the pills he’s been force fed. He feels like he’s choking any time he tries to take them with just water, and that means he has to take them with applesauce like he’s some five year old. And still, even with the applesauce he has an involuntary reaction where he thinks he might puke or choke and shakes his head like he just tasted something nasty. It’s a big process for a few little pills.

“How are your exercises going?” he asks Cloud.

Cloud had his hands up, palms together like he was praying. He moves the index finger on the hand closer to Zack then it relaxes back to rest. He shakes his head.

“Just the one finger then,” he says. “Better than no fingers.”

Cloud continues to stare at his hands but only the one finger moves. He’d been given the exercise by Nurse Tamara to practice his fine motor skills, but he wasn’t totally into phase three despite getting his sight and hearing back.

Dr. Amrynd comes by with one of those metal kidney shaped bowls Zack’s only ever seen in medical facilities, and when she sets them down on the little bedside table, Zack can hear there’s other metal implements inside it. He tries not to freak out about it because she’s already done surgery on him and hadn’t hacked him to bits or messed up his internal organs then.

“What’s up, Doc?” he asks, trying to psych himself up for whatever is going to happen.

“Normally, this would take another few weeks, but I guess SOLDIER enhancements are good for something. It’s time to take your stitches out. You alright with your friend staying?”

“It’s up to him,” Zack says. He selfishly wants Cloud to stay because he doesn’t really want to face getting his stitches out alone, even if Dr. Amrynd would probably be nice about it. On the other hand, he doesn’t want Cloud anywhere near him if it’ll bother him to watch it.

Cloud puts his hands down and sits up straight, like he’s been called upon to bear witness. Zack does his best to give him a smile to show him he’s okay. He can’t tell if it worked while Cloud still can’t make any facial expressions.

“Alright, ready?” Dr. Amrynd asks.

“Yeah, of course,” he says.

She unties his hospital gown and pulls it down from his chest. They’d downgraded from completely wrapping up his chest to placing gauze patches over the individual wounds in the time he’d been there. She carefully pulls them off one by one, setting them into a neat pile on the bed to be thrown away later.

Then she puts the metal bowl on his lap and pulls out little scissors to begin cutting the stitches. He can’t stop himself from flinching away when she goes to try and cut the first stitch.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he insists, hoping she won’t dig into it.

Thankfully, she doesn’t and just begins cutting and pulling out his stitches with basically tweezers. There’s only a few stitches per wound, and she cuts the stitches before puling them out at once, usually with some scab attached. It doesn’t hurt to get them removed, just pulls a little.

“I want to remind you,” she says as she makes her way over his chest, “that this doesn’t mean you’re totally healed. You still have broken ribs that will take longer to heal, and you’ve got a long way to go on recovering from blood loss, too.”

“I understand,” he says.

“Good, I’m just reminding you,” she says, standing up and rolling her shoulders when she finishes. “You won’t be in here for too much longer so you’ll have to look after yourself.”

“That’ll be something,” he says because he has no idea what he and Cloud are doing next. They haven’t talked about it yet because Cloud can’t. He glances over to him to see him still watching, completely straight backed.

“Yeah, you can probably start moving around now,” she says.

“Thank the goddess,” he says with relief because he has been bed bound the whole time. He didn’t have his energy back due to the anemia, but he wanted out of the bed.

Cloud does leave to give him some privacy when one of the nurses come by to get him untethered from the medical equipment. He’s mobile enough to get his own underwear on as they had thankfully given his clothes back to him aside from the shirt and belt which had been beyond saving. He parts the curtain between his and Cloud’s bed, finding him sitting on his bed and staring at his hands again. “Hey, I know we can’t leave the ward, but you wanna go for a walk?”

Cloud stares at him for a moment then nods.

Zack grins and offers him his arm like he’s a gentleman. Cloud stands up then surprisingly takes his arm so their arms are linked. Zack guides Cloud into his curtained area then out past the curtain at the end of his bed. He walks up and down the side of the room that had their beds with Cloud beside him. There’s only eight beds in the room that makes up the entire ward, and all but one is full. Zack gets the feeling that the hospital has been nice to them, letting them stay longer while they have nowhere else to go.

He’s pretty sure it should be easier to walk without actually dragging Cloud’s weight around, but it isn’t. He blames the blood loss induced anemia. Still, he doesn’t want to sit back down in his bed and Cloud in his chair. Maybe the hospital is right to keep them if this is all it takes to tire them out. Cloud’s not really in any danger health wise at this point, but he still can’t use his hands well enough to feed himself. Zack’s no longer in danger of infection and getting worse, but he apparently only has five minutes worth of energy. 

Zack continues up and down the hall with Cloud, determined to not go right back to the damned hospital bed, until Cloud suddenly stops walking.

“What is it?” Zack asks.

Cloud points to the curtains hiding Zack’s bed which he’d stopped them beside.

“I don’t wanna lie down,” he complains, not really caring how childish he sounds. He had four years of imprisonment, almost a whole one of running around avoiding detection, he should get to do whatever he feels like doing, and he doesn’t feel like lying down again.

Cloud doesn’t listen. He clumsily parts the curtain around Zack’s bed and pulls Zack in with him. Zack doesn’t even have the strength or energy to resist.

“Fine, you win,” he says, sitting down on the bed. “But you gotta sit with me.”

Cloud gives him a blank look for a moment then goes to sit down in the chair he’d put at Zack’s bedside.

“No, not in the chair,” Zack says, grabbing his arm before he moves too far away. “Up on the bed with me.”

Cloud just stands and watches as Zack adjust the pillows so they can both sit at the head of the bed with their backs against the wall.

“Come on,” Zack coaxes, patting the spot beside him.

Cloud, slowly and awkwardly, crawls onto the bed to sit beside him, and Zack’s pretty sure it’s not just from the effects of mako poisoning. They have to sit pressed shoulder to shoulder to fit on the narrow bed.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Zack says quietly, aware that there are other people around them on the other side of the curtains. “I know you don’t like being so close to people.”

Cloud doesn’t give any sort of indication he’s uncomfortable, like he could push Zack away a little bit if he wanted. Zack chances leaning into him when he continues to not push him away. Cloud looks at him them, and Zack suddenly can’t face him even if Cloud can’t make a judgey expression even if he wanted to.

“Sorry,” he mumbles to him. “I got kinda clingy when you were unconscious.”

Cloud’s been his only source of comfort for five years, even if he’d been comatose for a good portion of it. Cloud may not remember it now, he can’t talk so Zack doesn’t know for sure, but before he’d fallen into a coma from mako poisoning, he’d let Zack hold him close and covered, run his fingers through his hair and down his back. It’d been hard not to hope that doing it again would somehow make him better, that Zack could force him back together or else make him feel safe enough to wake up again. He kind of didn’t want Cloud to remember everything they’d been through, wishes he didn’t remember quite so much himself, but he was really hoping Cloud would still let him hold him, at least for a little while longer.

Cloud leans into him while stubbornly looking away from him. Zack smiles in relief and decides to chance putting his arm around Cloud’s shoulders. Cloud doesn’t move away or push his arm off so Zack relaxes. 

* * *

Cloud and Zack are officially discharged, or at least what counts for being officially discharged in a cobbled together hospital in a building left over from a different time, on the same day. Cloud changes back into the SOLDIER uniform he’d been wearing when he’d brought Zack in. Zack gets a replacement shirt that had been donated to the hospital, but he still doesn’t have belt and has to carry the Buster Sword and the harness he normally carries it with instead of wearing them. They walk out of the hospital into the shade of the plate with only the clothes on their back and the well wishes of the hospital staff.

“So we don’t have any money at this point, but we probably don’t have a tail anymore since Shinra thinks I’m dead,” Zack says as they stand far enough away from the hospital to not be in anyone else’s way. “I was thinking we could head to Sector 5. Aerith’s hopefully still there. You remember her right?”

Cloud nods because it still takes some effort to get words out. He’s never met her, but he remembers Zack talking about his girlfriend.

“She’s not my girlfriend because she broke up with me after not responding for four years,” Zack explains, and Cloud realized that he must have somehow heard word from Aerith after escaping when Cloud was still comatose. “But she’s still a good person. She’ll either let us sleep in her church or point us to an abandoned building to sleep in. You don’t remember it, but we’ve slept in a lot worse places than that.”

Cloud nods more slowly this time. He knows they’re completely broke, but beds are a lot nicer than the ground. He thinks he’s allowed to be a little disappointed at the downgrade.

“Cloud?” Zack asks.

Cloud looks up at him expectantly, surprised to see that Zack looks worried.

“Sorry, I just started planning without you. Kinda got used to it when we were traveling,” he says, shuffling his feet.

Cloud tilts his head, not sure what the problem is.

“I just don’t want to just decide things for you. You don’t actually have to come with me, you know,” he says, and Cloud’s struck with the sudden, irrational fear that maybe Zack doesn’t want him to stay, an old feeling from when he’s first met Zack and thought he’d forget him as soon as he looked away from him. Zack clears his throat and continues. “You’re free to do as you please, and you don’t owe me anything. You know that right?”

Cloud nods slowly, not totally following where Zack is going with the conversation because it didn’t seem to be about planning anymore. He’s starting to get the feeling that Zack’s nervous. 

“Cloud, are you-,” Zack starts and cuts himself off, and Cloud’s never seen him so uncertain of his words before that he’s had to stop talking. “You’re going to stick with me, yeah?”

Cloud nods because of course he was. Did Zack think he had somewhere else or someone else to go to?

“Good, good,” Zack says, not really looking at Cloud and scratching at the back of his neck.

Cloud tilts his head again, farther than the last time, really wondering what was going on with him.

“It’s just- Cloud, I,” he starts then stops again.

Now, Cloud’s starting to worry if there might be something genuinely wrong with him so he takes a step in closer to inspect him. Zack gives him this little helpless smile.

“I want us to stay together,” he finally gets out. “But what I mean by that is I want to share an apartment with you, share a bed with you. I want to spend my life with you. We’ve already been through a lot of shit together, and I’m sure there’s more around the corner because there always is, but I’m hoping there’s good things coming for us, too, and I want you to be there with me for all of it.”

Cloud hadn’t realized that things would be different after getting out of the hospital, that they _could_ be different for him and Zack. He nods quickly buying himself time to find his voice. Zack drops the sword and harness to sweep him into a hug before he can even get that far. It’s not as bone crushing as Cloud remembers them, but they’re a lot more fragile now than they used to be.

“Yes, I want it,” Cloud gets out slowly as he hugs him back, and Zack laughs joyously.

Zack pulls back only enough to press a smacking kiss to his cheek. “Oh, goddess, you’re crying again. Happy tears, I hope?”

Cloud thumps him on the shoulder for that. He still can’t do anything with his face, but somehow the waterworks come anyways the moment he has any sort of emotion. How is that fair?

“Ow,” Zack says, and he sounds much too happy to be in any pain. “That’s not how you start a relationship.”

Cloud doesn’t care. Zack leans in to kiss him again anyways.

Cloud works to get out, “I’m mad.”

“What, why?” Zack says, pulling back like he was going to be able to figure out what Cloud meant while he still couldn’t make any sort of expression.

“Can’t kiss back,” he complains. He can barely get his mouth to form words, he’s not going to try pushing his luck trying to kiss Zack when he has no experience with kissing to rely on. He’d just embarrass himself!

Cloud’s hardly ever seen Zack when he gets smug about something he feels he has a solid upper hand in, but that doesn’t mean he can’t recognize it when it’s staring him in the face. Zack keeps one arm around his waist, but uses his other to tilt Cloud’s chin up as he studies his face. Cloud’s not sure why he needs to study his face when there’s no expression on it to try and read.

“That’s okay,” Zack says as he brushes his thumb over Cloud’s lower lip. Cloud’s grateful that Zack hasn’t put his gloves back on yet, but annoyed that he can barely register any sensation from his lips. “I think that just means I get to make up for that now and you’ll pay me back later.”

Cloud doesn’t know exactly what Zack intends to do to make up for his temporary inability to kiss, but he definitely has ideas, hopes maybe, of what he could mean by it.

“And the blush is working,” Zack says with far too much amusement. “Hey, how far down does your blush go?”

Cloud puts his hand in Zack’s face because they’re in public.

* * *

Despite the elation of having Cloud agree to stay with him, to _be_ with him, Zack couldn’t stop his nerves from building as they made their way into Sector 5. It’s been five years since he’d seen Aerith. He hadn’t been able to talk to her the entire time, essentially ghosting her. She could just decide to punch him for showing his face again after all that.

Well, probably not, Aerith was a nice person. Though that could have changed after five years and getting ghosted by your boyfriend. Zack frowns. There are also the Turks to worry about as he doubts they’ve stopped watching over her. He also doubts they’re completely unrecognizable after only a few weeks in a hospital and still wearing SOLDIER uniforms. The Buster Sword wasn’t exactly subtle either.

Zack startles when Cloud pats his arm. “Sorry, I’m more nervous than I thought I’d be.”

Cloud shakes his head, and Zack isn’t sure what he’s supposed to be getting out of it.

“Should I just start making up what you’re saying?” Zack asks. “Like, yeah Zack, that’s normal when you haven’t seen someone for five years.”

Cloud holds up his hand and makes a so-so motion with it.

“Does that mean I got it right?”

Cloud nods.

Zack puts his arm around Cloud’s shoulders and pulls him in close. “It’ll be really awkward if we have communication problems after this.”

Cloud ducks out from under his arm, putting a couple feet in between them. Zack’s pretty sure he can see a blush on his face. Zack sighs because this would be precisely why they would have a problem. Cloud gets embarrassed about the weirdest things sometimes. Maybe they make perfect sense to Cloud, but they don’t to Zack. It almost always had to do with showing Cloud physical affection. Zack remembers the first time he’d given Cloud a friendly slap on the back, literally within hours of them meeting each other on the mission to Modeoheim, and Cloud had flushed and scuttled away from him like he’d been too forward on a first date. There hadn’t even been anyone else there except for Tseng and the other trooper and they’d both been several yards back. Cloud had later insisted he’d just been startled by it, but Zack still doubts the explanation.

“I’m guessing you’re going to be a hard no on any and all PDA,” Zack says, and laughs when Cloud nods quickly. “I guess I’ll just have to save it up for when we’re alone.”

Then Cloud refuses to look at him. 

“What?” Zack asks defensively. “You agreed to be with me which should mean you’re into that. Otherwise, I think we may need to have a talk about this.”

Cloud shakes his head.

“No, you’re not into me?” Zack teases.

Cloud shakes his head faster this time.

Zack leans in closer to him, nearly touching his lips to Cloud’s ear, “Then what’s wrong with saving it for when we’re alone?”

Cloud pushes his face away again.

“Oh, I get it. We can’t talk about it in public either, huh?”

Cloud nods decisively, and Zack laughs. Cloud looks at him with what probably would be a glare if he could use more of his face.

“I’m following the rules,” he says, grinning as Cloud swiftly looks away from him again.

The grin disappears and the teasing stops when they reach the steps of Aerith’s church. Zack stares up at it and takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. He jumps when Cloud jabs his knuckles into his back.

“Can’t you be nice to me when I’m having a moment?” Zack asks him.

Cloud shrugs.

“Fine, I’m going,” he says, starting up the steps so he doesn’t get jabbed again. He opens the door and calls out a cautious, “Hello?”

Aerith pops her head up from the other end of the church near her flowers. “Hello?” she calls back.

Zack forces himself to enter the room, to walk closer to her so she’ll recognize him. “Hey, I’m sorry for not responding to your letters. I, kind of, couldn’t.”

“Zack?” she asks, staring at him with enough sadness that he stops walking any closer. She looks good aside from that. She’s grown up, with longer hair and a longer dress. She’d even gotten a jacket and boots that make her look a little tougher and more mature than the sixteen year old girl Zack had first met.

“Yeah, hi,” he says then gets jabbed in the kidney.

“Ow,” he says pointedly as he turns to look at Cloud. He’s pretty sure if Cloud could look smug he would look smug. Who knows why because he’s always had a sixth sense for landing hits to Zack’s kidney whenever he thinks he’s being exceptionally dumb or embarrassing so it’s not like it’s impressive anymore. “This is Cloud Strife.”

“Oh, hello,” Aerith says, giving him a polite smile.

Cloud waves at her.

Aerith looks to him for an explanation.

“So the short story is, Cloud also got assigned to that last mission I went on to Nibelheim, everything went so badly that I’m pretty sure me and Cloud are the only survivors which wasn’t all that great because then we were kinda used like guinea pigs for Shinra for four years, and then we were on the run from Shinra, well I was on the run, Cloud was comatose from mako poisoning, and then I got shot a lot outside of Midgar so Cloud got his turn to drag my ass around, and he got us to the hospital over in Sector 4, spent a few weeks recovering, and now I’m here hoping you won’t kick us out of your church because we have no money,” he says as quickly as he can then adds, “So I didn’t really get any of your letters except for the last one, but I swear I wasn’t intentionally ignoring you. I was just very busy trying not to die.”

Aerith stares at him in shock for several moments. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Zack says as brightly as he can muster. “I’ve got severe anemia from blood loss and several broken ribs, and Cloud’s still working on getting his fine motor control back, but you’re about all we’ve got left in the world in terms of allies so I’m really hoping you’re not mad at me.”

She just looks between him and Cloud for a few moments, like she’s working out how this all happened. Then she says, “I think we’re going to need to have a longer discussion of everything that’s happened, but it’s fine if you want to stay here in the church. Mom definitely won’t let you back in the house, and this place is safer than the abandoned buildings behind it. You wanna sit down? You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Zack drops down heavily into the nearest pew, setting the Buster Sword and his holster down at his feet. “Did you know that anemia makes it really hard to do anything?”

“I had an idea of it,” she says, giving him a gentle smile. It’s not quite like the ones she gave him before he left.

Cloud squeezes himself into the space between Zack and the end of the pew even though there was the entire other end of the pew he could sit on. Aerith looks at Cloud then at Zack and clasps her hands behind her back and says, “So.”

“So?” Zack asks back.

“How long have you two been together?” she asks.

“Aerith, it’s not like that,” he insists. “I didn’t ditch you for Cloud. I was telling the truth!”

She nods. “I believe you. You are together, though, aren’t you? A little suspicious to leave that out of your explanation.”

“I didn’t want to give you the wrong idea about it,” he says, leaning back against the pew. At least it’s sturdy enough to support his weight. “We only really got together this morning. How could you even tell?”

“It was pretty obvious. Friends don’t practically sit on each other’s laps,” she says, briefly looking at their legs then back to Zack’s face. “You’re friendly, but you’re not that friendly.”

“That’s true,” he admits, absent mindedly smoothing his hand over Cloud’s back. Cloud reaches behind his back without looking to grab Zack’s hand and pull it away. He supposes it does count as PDA as he wouldn’t have done that to any of his friends.

“I have some more work to do on the flowers, but I can catch you up while I work,” she says, giving them both a smile.

They move to the pew in front of the flowers, and Aerith updates him on the ongoings of Sector 5 in the time that he’s been gone. He’s grateful she isn’t digging into the horrible details of everything that had happened to him in the last five years. Then again, there’s a lot she never told him about before. She probably appreciates privacy better than most.

She finishes tending to the flowers then helps them get set up in a backroom of the church. She keeps some tarps and moth eaten blankets in the back. It’s not bedding, but it’s better than stone floors or wooden pews. Between the three of them, they set up something that looks more like a nest than a bed in a tucked away corner far from any previous debris.

“I’m fading fast,” he tells her after that because he really doesn’t have any energy to spare with the anemia.

“I’ll come back tomorrow. I can bring you some money so you’ll at least be able to get food.”

“Aerith, you don’t need to do that,” he says because he apparently still has some pride left after it all. Or maybe he just feels bad about taking it from Aerith, relying so totally on her.

“Don’t worry,” she says, smiling. “The flowers have always sold well. I’ll help you figure out what you can do for work while you’re recovering if that makes you feel better.”

Zack sighs then gives her a nod. “Okay, thanks.”

“Have a good night,” she says, only giving a light touch to his arm when before she might have kissed his cheek in farewell.

“Goodnight.”

He had briefly thought he might miss it after seeing her again. Instead he finds himself looking for Cloud and discovers him trying to give him and Aerith privacy by needlessly futzing with the bedding.

“That went well, I think,” Zack says as he moves the Buster Sword and the harness into a better spot by their bed. “What do you think of Aerith?”

Cloud looks at him and gives him a decisive nod.

“Good. It’ll be a lot easier if you get along,” he says, sitting down at the edge of their makeshift bed. He only pulls off his boots and gloves before crawling into the center to lie down on his back and groan in relief. He’s probably pushed himself too far if he’s this sore.

* * *

Cloud, for once, feels a little relieved that he can’t speak or explain himself because that means that Zack just has to accept it when he curls up against Zack’s side as close as he possibly can. Zack doesn’t do anything, and Cloud wonders if he’s already fallen asleep. He’d dropped off quickly enough in the hospital for it.

“Do my eyes deceive me or is Cloud Strife willingly cuddling me?” Zack asks.

He’s pretty sure Zack can’t actually see him because he hasn’t moved at all from lying down flat on his back. He still has to will himself not to move away out of sheer habit when people say shit like that to him as it always makes him want to do the exact opposite.

“I would so be the big spoon except any position except for on my back makes my chest hurt,” he says, but still curls an arm around Cloud.

Cloud pats his arm because he hadn’t expected Zack to do anything other than lie flat on his back.

“You better not get all shy on me in the future when I’m better and can do it back,” he says, and Cloud can hear him getting more drowsy. “I’ll get sad.”

It takes him a while, but he gets out, “I won’t.”

Zack doesn’t respond so Cloud figures he’d already fallen asleep. Cloud still doesn’t sleep properly yet so he lies awake, listening and watching for any intruders or dangers. Nothing comes, and he must fall asleep at some point because he wakes to sunlight. He sits up and finds Zack still asleep so he lies back down beside him.

Zack wakes sometime later with a lot of grumbling. He sits up before looking over to Cloud. “How long you been awake?” he asks.

Cloud shrugs.

“Guess we’ll have to wait for Aerith before we can have breakfast,” he says before yawning.

Cloud still couldn’t eat much yet, didn’t really have an appetite either, so it made no difference to him. He sits up and presses himself back into Zack’s side.

“So is this just how you’re going to be now that we’re together?” Zack asks.

Cloud looks up at him and gives him a nod. Zack had said he was interested in the touching and affection before. Cloud knows he freezes up or gets embarrassed easily by contact, but that didn’t mean he’d stopped wanting to touch or be touched by the people he cares about. He likes when Zack touches him, always gentler and more careful with his touches than he’d looked like he’d be, and now that Zack’s asked to be with him, basically said that he wanted to touch Cloud more, Cloud’s pretty sure he wants the touching just as much as he does.

“And here I was, worried I’d have to convince you,” Zack says, smiling as he wraps an arm around Cloud.

Aerith arrives sometime later with food and some gil. She and Zack hash out plans mostly without Cloud’s help, but the odds and ends jobs she finds for them to do that day are ones Cloud turns out to be more capable of doing. Now that he’s well into phase three of recovery, all that inhibits him from manual labor is some residual numbness and that his fingers are a little clumsy. Zack, however, can’t do very much with his anemia and healing injuries as he tires out quickly and can’t do anything with all his strength due to the pain. The jobs essentially amount to completing errands or household tasks people are incapable of completing themselves for whatever reason, but it’s still some money earned. He spends it on food for himself and Zack.

“We really are switching off,” Zack says after they finished dinner and Aerith returned to her own home.

Cloud tilts his head.

“I did a lot of work like this, well more killing pesky monsters than errands, when you were unconscious to try and scrounge together money to keep going and keep moving. Now, I can’t do shit and you’re doing all the work.”

Cloud has to clear his throat before he can get out, “I don’t mind.”

“I’m not saying you do,” Zack says quickly. “I don’t know. I just feel like I think too much when I don’t have stuff to do so I’m trying to think my way out of feeling like I’m dead weight. I gotta remind myself I didn’t feel like you were dead weight when I was carrying you around. I gotta tell myself that we’re going to be even now, when we weren’t before, you know?”

“You mean,” Cloud has to take a breath in the middle, “About our rank?”

“Yeah, some of it. I felt weird a lot when I was with Aerith because I had enhancements and she didn’t, but now we’re both whatever those experiments made us. Before asking you to be with me, I was worried that maybe you would think you owed me, and I would’ve hated that. Like this, it’s even right? It’s not one of us over the other.”

“We’re the same,” Cloud says, “so it’s easier?”

“I don’t think being broke and recovering from getting shot up or poisoned together is easy, but I mean I don’t feel like I’m doing something unethical or taking advantage of you which I would have before,” he explains then shrugs. “You get it?”

Cloud nods in agreement. He’d liked Zack before, but it had always been fraught with the knowledge that Zack had a higher rank than him. He had never considered Zack in a romantic light, had enough trouble as it was accepting him as a friend and letting go of the feeling of being judged by a superior officer when he was with him. If Zack had asked him to be with him before in the way he had after leaving the hospital, Cloud would have told him no. Without ranks or his old SOLDIER dreams, Zack could be just Zack to him which had allowed him to even say yes in the first place. 

“So we’re on the same page then.”

Cloud nods again.

* * *

It takes a couple weeks for them, well mostly Cloud, to make enough money and start getting enough work consistently for them to rent an apartment. A lot of it has to do with Cloud being able to reliably talk even if he’s still a little blank faced. The place they get is small, barely big enough for a bed, a bathroom, and a tiny kitchenette, but it’s got four walls, a ceiling, and a lockable door which is more than the church has. Zack feels like he’s actually rested after sleeping for the first time in a long time the first morning he wakes there.

Once Cloud has his grip fully back, Zack begins teaching him how to use his new strength with the Buster Sword. Angeal had carefully protected the blade, using it more symbolically to demonstrate his restraint by not using it and for intimidation than fighting, and Zack had followed in his footsteps. Angeal had once said that Zack’s life was more important than protecting the sword from wear, but the sword’s Zack’s now, not Angeal’s. He can’t think of a better, more honorable use for the sword than protecting Cloud. So he teaches Cloud how to use it and to put a weapon between him and any monsters he faces as he graduates from errands to killing the slum’s monstrous pests. 

Cloud gains confidence quickly in his monster extermination skills, though his social skills still leaves a little to be desired. Zack quickly becomes the liaison between Cloud and the people trying to hire him. Cloud grows bolder in their little apartment as well, but at a much slower rate. He carefully and cautiously goes from sitting as close as he can to Zack to just sitting in his lap whenever it’s available, from curling up against Zack in their bed at night to guiding Zack’s arms around him. The only thing he leaves for Zack to take the initiative on is kissing which makes sense given that Cloud’s face was one of the last things to recover from the mako poisoning. Zack has an entire emotion and nearly cries the first time he pulls back from kissing Cloud and _sees_ the satisfaction on his face rather than a blank expression staring up at him. 

“What’re you looking so shocked for?” Cloud asks.

Zack carefully cradles Cloud’s face and says, “Don’t freak out, but I think you’re starting to make expressions again. Make a face.”

Zack would have made a silly face to really test out what his face was capable of, but Cloud rolls his eyes then smiles at him. It’s small but undeniably there. It hits him then how long it’s been since he’s seen Cloud smile, how much he’d missed it. Just seeing him make any sort of expression had been a lot, but seeing him smile again is completely overwhelming.

“What?” Cloud asks.

“Nothing,” Zack insists quickly then pulls Cloud into his chest and buries his face in Cloud’s hair. “I’m really happy your face is back.”

“Thanks,” Cloud says, muffled by Zack’s chest. He cautiously pats Zack’s back when he doesn’t let go of him immediately.

Zack does not get easily embarrassed, not the way Cloud does, so he doesn’t really know how to handle it, doesn’t know what to do with a bunch of sudden feelings too big for his chest brought on just because Cloud smiled at him. “It’s really nice to have you all the way back.”

Cloud makes a noise of acknowledgment. Thankfully, he doesn’t get weirded out as Zack watches his face for expressions for the rest of the night.

Zack’s feelings about, of, and relating to Cloud only seem to get worse from there. Zack could remember early on in their friendship just feeling relieved that he’d met someone else his age from a backwater town and that didn’t get weird about him being a SOLDIER. He’d kept his desire for companionship in a safe little box due to their difference in rank, and then the little box had gotten obliterated after everything in Nibelheim. It had just been about surviving and keeping them both together for such a long time after that, and he’d assumed that after leaving the hospital and having Cloud agree to be with him, their relationship would be more like the one he’d had with Aerith. She’d been his girlfriend, and he remembers wanting to kiss her and hold her hand and hug her to feel her pressed up against him.

But it’s not like that with Cloud. Zack had really meant only to tease Cloud when he’d said he’d just save up his affection for when they were alone. Instead, he finds himself genuinely saving up and wishing they were home out in public so he could be as affectionate as he pleased with him. Cloud only encourages it by keeping his distance outside and then melting into him or demanding his touch as soon as they’re alone. Zack gets heady so easily over how much he wants Cloud which he’d always thought was something that was supposed to happen in your teens to get over in your twenties, but here he is. Desperate to kiss Cloud as thoroughly as he possibly can, to feel his skin against his own, to suck a hickey onto places Cloud considers hidden enough, to press as close to him as he physically can. Really, the only problem was that recovering from a major injury was not conducive to enacting his fantasies without pain or setting himself back. Leave it to Shinra to find a way to cockblock him even after he’d left the company.

Well, that’s only one part of it. The rest of it is Cloud’s refusal to discuss anything related to the physical side of their relationship. Zack doesn’t want to give Cloud the wrong impression, whatever that impression is. He’s so out of whack and different from how he’d expected to be he’s not sure how he comes off by having no follow through. He especially doesn’t want to overstep any of Cloud’s boundaries. He eventually figures that they can just take their time figuring it out because it’s all still new for both of them.

Then Cloud comes back from one of his jobs and asks, “Do you remember Tifa?”

“Your friend from back home?” he asks, remembering how funny and just a little bit cute he’d found it that Cloud had hid his face from her even if he thought Cloud had no reason to be embarrassed. He also remembers the guilt at not being able to protect her from Sephiroth.

“She survived. She lives in Sector 7.”

Zack stares at him in surprise before giving him a smile. “That’s great. You planning on meeting up with her?”

Cloud nods. “She wants me to do a job.”

“That’s nice of her,” he says. If Tifa’s in Sector 7, that’s an entry point for Cloud to begin picking up work in two sectors instead of one.

“It’s with Avalanche.”

Zack goes cold at the name. He doesn’t know if his information on the group is current, but he knows that there’s no way they’ve stopped antagonizing Shinra. It can’t be any good news if they want someone with SOLDIER enhancements helping them out. “You sure that’s a good idea? It’ll put you on Shinra’s radar.”

“I know.”

Zack doesn’t want to be on the run and hiding again. He doesn’t want Cloud to put himself right back in the line of fire. He reaches out and takes hold of Cloud’s hand. “I won’t tell you what to do, but Cloud, please. Is it really worth putting yourself in danger over a job?”

“They want to blow up one of the mako reactors,” Cloud says, and Zack can’t remember ever seeing him so angry. “I want to hit them back.”

No wonder Avalanche wants someone with enhancements. The reactors are probably one of the few places you could hit Shinra and have it hurt. It wouldn’t fix anything, not for the planet and certainly not for them if it just put them back in Shinra’s sights, but it would hurt. “When?” Zack asks.

“Tonight.”

Zack shakes his head because it’s too soon. He wouldn’t do anything more than give Cloud his opinion on it, would never do anything to compromise Cloud’s ability to make his own choices, but if they could have one more night before Cloud went out into danger. One last night to hold him close and safe in the dark.

Cloud grips his hand tightly. “I can’t stand by and do nothing after what they’ve done. I promise I’ll come back to you, Zack.”

“I won’t stop if this is your choice,” he says and begins to pull the glove off of Cloud’s hand. “But I want you to take the Buster Sword with you. I don’t want you to take any unnecessary risks and to come straight back to me.”

Cloud nods like he’s received commands from a superior officer, and Zack doesn’t want to be that. “I’ll be careful.”

“Please,” he says, guiding Cloud’s hand to his lips to press a kiss to the back of it.

Cloud extends his fingers to caress Zack’s cheek without having to move his hand away. “I’ll come back.”

For a moment, Zack wants to be selfish and mean and tell him to not make promises he can’t keep, that the enhancements made him stronger, but not invincible so don’t be stupid. Instead all he gets out is a plea, “You better.”

Because Zack won’t be there this time to protect him or carry him away from trouble.

“I will,” Cloud insists, face set in grim determination.

And Zack has to remember that Cloud was the one to carry him over the last stretch to safety. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We aren't told what Cloud's reasons are in canon for becoming a terrorist for only 2k gil which is not much money, but I suspect it's a combo of he doesn't remember shit and Tifa is literally the only thing he has left or can remember. He does it cheaply because he doesn't want to reject her in any way, but he still needs the money and doesn't like other people. It's definitely not why Cloud would do it in this AU because Tifa wouldn't be enough to get over the danger it would put Zack in through association. Even if he doesn't remember, he knows what Shinra did to him and Zack and he's also aware of the risk of joining Avalanche and he's not a hero, not yet. He's doing it for selfish reasons and it has the bonus of restarting his relationship with Tifa. It's also gotta be sudden because I have no idea why Tifa would be asking around for an apartment for Cloud if he didn't go on the bombing mission immediately after joining up. 
> 
> Zack's also not really a hero at the moment either. Zack spent a lot of Crisis Core running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to figure out what the right and honorable thing to do is. In my opinion, he's got some strong generational talent first overall pick vibes aka he's good at one thing (being a SOLDIER) at the cost of literally any and all other life skills, and he's only 18 when what's left of his trust in the institution that essentially taught him his core moral values gets obliterated. He might have those idealistic views still, but they're completely unsupported so he has no framework for what to do. All he can do is protect Cloud, the one thing he is sure is right, until he can't and Cloud no longer needs it and in fact chooses to leave that protection by facing Shinra. 
> 
> The Midgar slums definitely have to have a place for free medical care. If they have a neighborhood watch based in training others and keeping the community safe, someone has to be keeping the community safe by providing medical care. It's also something the community will work to support as they know they'll benefit from it even if it's not top of the line. 
> 
> And I 100% chose not to have them say I love you or anything like that because it's a Japanese game and I tried to do something that was similar to the love confessions I've liked out of anime/manga where they definitely do not say I love you. You cannot convince me that Cloud wouldn't explode from trying to say I love you. 
> 
> I don't know I just feel like I touch on all the things I think a Zack Lives AU would make interesting, but because I don't have the time to dedicate to a proper fic about it I just wrote like 30k of like stuff just scratching the surface of it because that's what I could get to in like 2.5 weeks. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it regardless!


	2. Extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't include this when I wrote the story because I was like I shouldn't be making dumb jokes about the inadequacies of character models in something that's a little more serious than that, I'll just make a little extra on tumblr.
> 
> And then I wrote it out and immediately stepped it in and made it serious and too long for tumblr. 
> 
> I still don't think it really works to be put into what I've already written, and it's more like if I'd made this series into a proper like 50k fic rather than a series of one or two shots this would have been included. So an extra chapter it is.

Cloud turns to Zack and asks, “Do you think…the missing…body hair…is intentional…or a side effect?”

He’s been meaning to ask ever since he got his sight back, but he hadn’t been able to talk enough to really say anything about it before leaving the hospital. Then there was meeting Aerith and finding work, but now they have some time to them selves in their little, private corner of the church.

“What?” Zack asks, turning his head from his position lying down on their makeshift bed rather than rolling over to look at him as it hurt too much.

“Look,” he says, holding up his arm so that Zack can see his armpit and the complete lack of hair there.

Zack squints at him. “You had armpit hair before, right?”

“Yes,” he says as tersely as he can make it. He was only sixteen when they got kidnapped and experimented on, but he’d definitely started puberty and had armpit hair by then.

“Is my armpit hair missing?” he asks, shifting his arm up along the blanket rather than the more difficult route of raising it.

Cloud would give him a look for somehow not realizing that he doesn’t have armpit hair at this point, but he still can’t move his face that well. Still, he looks under Zack’s arm as asked, having to shift to get enough light to see if there’s any hair.

“Some,” he answers, as there is a little bit of black armpit hair hanging on towards the bottom of his armpit. Zack’s been wearing the sleeveless SOLDIER uniform the entire time Cloud’s known him, and even if the pauldrons covered his shoulders, his armpit had still been visible whenever he raised his arms. Cloud had seen him with much more armpit hair before.

“Weird,” he says, putting his arm back down. “Think that’s why I haven’t grown a beard?”

Cloud tilts his head.

“I was eighteen. I could definitely grow a beard. I mean, it was awful aside from the mustache, but I figured that would be a terrible look so I shaved it all off. Haven’t shaved once since we escaped.”

Zack doesn’t even have a five o’clock shadow which he should have given his dark hair. Zack turns his head and gives Cloud a considering look. “I gotta admit, it would have been funny seeing you with a beard, but I don’t see that happening because I definitely didn’t shave you while we were traveling.”

Cloud just shakes his head.

After a moment, Zack adds, “Gotta be a side effect. I mean, Sephiroth always wore his customized uniform which had sleeves, but he basically went around bare chested and he did not have any chest hair. Come on, who would intentionally give their super powered soldier masterpiece hairless balls?”

Cloud stares at him and his unrepentant grin for the completely disrespectful speculation about a dead man they once looked up to and who they’d killed for wiping out an entire village, especially so for it being the first mention they’d ever made of him since it happened. He smacks Zack though he’s careful to avoid his injuries.

“What?” Zack asks. “You know I’m right.”

Cloud shakes his head again and turns to sit facing away from him.

“Aw, come on, it’s funny. Cope with some humor,” he cajoles, running his hand over what he could reach of Cloud’s back.

Cloud takes a deep breath in so he can try and get his words out. “I have…barely…any body hair left.”

“Oh,” Zack says, humor gone and his tone sinking as he said the word, “Is that a problem?”

“Feel like…a kid,” he admits. He was missing five years of his life even if he can remember bits and pieces of the first year or so as a prisoner. He still feels sixteen sometimes even if he isn’t actually that age anymore. He remembers his own face and body as what it was when he was sixteen, when he was only a few years into puberty. He’d missed his body growing up, missed the scars forming and fading, but growing more body hair was one of the things he can actually remember living through. And now that proof of his age, that maturation he can remember achieving, is missing and extremely off putting when his self image of a sixteen year old is put beside the sight of his near hairless body. It looks too young.

He can hear Zack sit up behind him, and he shifts to wrap his arms around Cloud’s waist and settle his head on his shoulder.

“We’re not kids, Cloud,” he says quietly. “I don’t think we have been for a long while now. Kids don’t join armies. They don’t fight and kill people. We’re just missing some time, and we’re not going to get it back. I don’t feel like I’ve done a great job at figuring things out and what to do outside SOLDIER, but I’m doing it because that’s what adults do. We’re going to keep doing it, and get better at it, and then whatever hair we do or don’t have won’t matter anymore.”

Cloud huffs, still not satisfied.

“Not helpful?” he asks.

He feels heavy and awkward. He feels unprepared and too young to be doing this with Zack. They had said they were even, without rank and hierarchy, but was that enough? “Am I…too young?”

“For what?”

“For you.”

Zack pulls away from him, and Cloud shivers. “Hey, look at me so we can talk about this,” he says gently.

Cloud slowly turns around to face him, but has a hard time dragging his eyes up to meet his gaze.

“Is this because of the hair or something? I really don’t understand because I don’t think of you as kid. Like I said, we’re both missing memories, but that doesn’t mean we’re not adults now. I mean, you’re the one out there making money and taking care of us, what do you think?”

Cloud shakes his head. “Not that…like for…”

He gestures between them when he can’t find the words for what he wants to say.

“For romance?” Zack asks, tilting his head in a way that definitely would have gotten him called a puppy in the past. “Or is this about attraction? Either way, you don’t look like a kid, and I don’t think of you as a kid. I don’t check people’s armpits to see how old they are.”

Cloud eventually nods.

Zack sighs heavily and says, “I’m worried too, you know, but I guess missing hair was low on my list.”

Cloud tilts his head.

“SOLDIERs are known for their ability to heal, but in my experience it’s only good up to a certain point. We don’t get hurt as much or as badly as anybody else due to our strength and speed, but when we do get injured badly? Every First I’ve ever seen get a significant injury hasn’t recovered properly. I survived Sephiroth, but who knows what they’ve done to us since then. I might not ever get better than this even if I do get the recommended amount of iron,” he explains, and he only looks up from his hands to ask a question, “Would that be a problem for you about our relationship?”

Cloud shakes his head quickly, offended Zack would even suggest he’d leave him, not that he agreed he wouldn’t recover. “Can’t say that…until…you’ve had the iron.”

“I know, but it’s still something I worry about,” he says, looking back to Cloud again. “We have no idea what they’ve done to us or how long our bodies will hold out for with these changes, but I don’t want to waste my time on things I may never know for sure. I know I want to be with you. I want to spend my time on you.”

Cloud nods, deciding that even if being hairless freaks him out until he gets used to it, it’s not worth worrying over if it doesn’t matter to Zack. He shifts to lean into Zack’s side and press close to him. “I agree.”

Zack wraps his arm around to pull him even closer.

“You should sleep,” Cloud tells him.

“I was busy cuddling you,” he says in a faux complaint though he does carefully lower himself back down onto the make shift bed.

Cloud stays right with him and curls up against his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, I wrote this because every time Cloud raises his arm in the Remake I'm just like dude where's your armpit hair? They just like put a shadow over his armpit to disguise it sometimes. It's especially weird against Barrett who has a beard, chest hair, and arm hair. They also definitely put a five o'clock shadow on Hojo, but Zack doesn't have one despite equally dark hair and he's been on the run. I don't know what you're supposed to get out of that other than SOLDIERs don't have hair below the eyebrows. I think it would be pretty freaky to wake up with no body hair, especially as it seems to be the only obvious outward signs of body modification you can see for yourself due to mako/experimentation. You can't see that your eyes have changed without looking in a mirror. 
> 
> Cloud's insecurities make a come back, but it's also a little bit to a sixteen year old an eighteen year old is really cool and mature, but by the time you hit 21 a two year age gap isn't that much. 
> 
> Anyways, that's what I got for now. I think I'm going to make one last addition to this series after this with another one shot set after the end of the Remake so when they leave Midgar and about Cloud and Zack dealing with the events thus far. I'm just not sure when I'll get to it because I'm trying to finish up a couple other things. 
> 
> In any case, hope you enjoyed the extra!


End file.
